Celebrate Bisexuality: Coming out, Pride Club, and Unspoken Truths

“It’s either you're straight or you’re gay”

“You can’t have everything,”

“There’s not enough support for the bisexual community,” said Taylor’s University student Andrea Tommy Jok, who highlights the grey area of the queer community in Malaysia.

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23 September marks the annual Celebrate Bisexuality Day.

Source: Getty Images

What does it mean to be Bi or Bisexual? It is the attraction to women, men, and anyone in between. They can have a preference for one gender over the other, or even a split of 50/50.

Nicole Khoo Xe Yi (Cole), a student at Cardiff University, UK shared,

“I kind of always knew I was bisexual since I was nine, but at the time, I did not know what sexuality or bisexuality was. All I knew was that my friend was really pretty and I wanted to hold hands with her. “

Andrea came out when she was 19.

For Andrea, it was through watching television shows and finding herself falling for the female more than the male character – not because she wanted to be like them, but because she wanted to be with them.

Khoo and Andrea were unsure whether or not to inform their family members as Andrea grew up with traditional parents, and Khoo’s family had some prejudices – some acquaintances of theirs came out as bisexual and revealed they cheated on their spouses.

Fortunately, Khoo's parents were willing to listen when they educated them about it. Andrea also came out through social media and described it as a relief taking an enormous weight off her shoulders.

Andrea and Khoo had loving and supportive friends and queer communities who made coming out easier. Andrea spoke about Pride Club Malaysia, a queer community founded by Taylor’s University students. The club serves as a haven for members of LGBTQIA+ people all around Malaysia. In this very safe space, they have students from Taylor’s, Sunway, and Monash.

Aiman Askandar Kamel, President of Pride Club Malaysia.

While helping their members feel protected, safe, and heard, the Board of Directors (BODs) offer a confidential therapeutic talk for the members if they have any issues at home or feel unsafe and wish to talk to them. It lets them feel welcomed in a safe environment and makes them stronger.

When asked about being a Bi in Malaysia, Khoo replied, “I’ve never really worn my sexuality proudly in Malaysia, mostly in fear of harassment and persecution. While my communities are loving and supportive, unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the rest of the country.”

In Malaysia, discrimination against the LGBT community is still far from waning. A 71-page report titled “‘I Don’t Want to Change Myself’: Anti-LGBT Conversion Practices, Discrimination, and Violence in Malaysia” by Human Rights Watch and Justice for Sisters found that government officials have stimulated an aggressive condition where gender diverse and LGBT people face prejudice and punishment due to their gender identity and sexual orientation.

Each state and federal territory of Kuala Lumpur and Putrajaya has Sharia codes (Islamic law) banning same-sex activity and gender nonconformity through laws that forbid "a man posing as a woman."

According to the Human Rights Watch, the government also funded mukhayyam, which are retreats focusing to "rehabilitate" LGBT individuals. It was reported that as of June 2021, at least 1,733 have participated in these programs. Not only does the retreats harm the freedom, pride, and rights of those who attended them, but also send a threatening note to the public that LGBT people can and should change their sexual orientation, gender identiy, and gender expression.

While residing in the UK, Khoo observed how every queer person living there is incredibly proud of who they are. There are many shops selling queer merchandise, gay bars, and LGBTQIA societies that receive funding and immense support. They felt “freeing” to be there.

Andrea also pointed out the lack of support for the bisexual community in Malaysia. People expect the queer community to be either straight or gay, otherwise they “can’t have everything.” Andrea further highlighted the myth about bisexuals being able to get any girl or guy which is not true and disrespectful.

“This community is something that needs to be heard and be made aware of to the public especially today [Celebrate Bisexuality Day 2022, 23 September]. Although people are more expressive and open about it, there are a ton of people who are not accepting that space,” said Pride Club President Aiman Askandar Kamel.

Aiman hopes for all bisexuals to take things slow. "Don’t ever feel rushed. It's all about experimenting and all about what makes you happy. Don’t ever get pressured, no matter what people say."

“My bisexuality isn’t something special or a hot secret about me; it’s just a natural part of who I am!” said Khoo.